Perpetual Motion: The Terrorists Are Sedating My Grandpa

Kids Say The Darndest Things

Me: "Alex, I'm going to miss you today while you are at preschool...what am I going to do?"

Alex: "Maybe you should exercise some more."

1/4/11

During FHE...

Kurt: "So, how do we know our church is true?"

Alex: "Because we can just open the door and walk right in."

1/3/11

Alex, very sweetly to Natalie and Todd while brandishing a light saber:

"If you guys are mean I'm gonna whack you on the head with this!"

6/4/10

Alex, plopping himself into my lap after the Saturday afternoon session of General Conference:

"Wow! I liked that movie!"

4/3/10

Alex: "Mom, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Me: "Ummm....a Mom."

Alex: "Yeah, and Dad can be a MONSTER!"

4/2/10

Natalie: "Hey Dad, I can do a cursive L."

Kurt: "What!?! You don't get to learn "cursing" until third grade."

Natalie: "But I know it! Mom taught me!"

Ah, yes..."cursing" ...a skill every mother should teach her child! ;o)

2/6/10

Sitting in line at the bank drive through...

Alex: "This is taking forever!"

Me: "I know. The bank is busy today."

Alex, pointing at the teller: "What is that girl's name?"

Me: "Ummmm, I don't know."

Alex: "I do! It's LAZY BONES!"

1/25/10

Kurt: "Hey, Emily...I think you should be a quantum physicist when you grow up."

Emily: "Dad! I just want to be a teacher...not a genius!"

1/7/10

A conversation in the van while sitting in the parking lot at Maverik...

Natalie: "Mom, why do those teenagers always hang around that picnic table?"

Me: "I don't know, maybe they're homeless." (I was kidding)

Natalie: Laughing, "Yeah! Maybe they are hobos!"

Laughter from all

Kurt: "No, they're not hobos, they're bums."

Todd: "Dad, what's a bum?"

Kurt: "Someone who doesn't have a job and just sits around all day."

A moment of silence

Todd: With the wheels in his head turning, "Hey, Mom! You don't have a job...You're a BUTT!"

12/23/09

Todd: "Hey, Alex, do you want to come sit by me?"

Alex: "Actually, no I don't...but thanks for asking, Toddy."

12/7/09

The morning after Alex dumped water on the VCR...

Todd: "Dad, do grown ups make lists for Santa?"

Kurt: "No, not usually."

Todd: "Oh, I thought that if they did you could ask Santa for a new VCR. Wait...I know! I will ask him for one and just give it to you!"

12/3/09

Me: "Todd, you'd better be good...Santa's elves might be watching!"

Todd: "Oh! Is that how Santa knows if we're being naughty or nice?"

Me: "Yep."

Todd: "Wow. I thought Santa just looked down on us like Jesus does."

11/28/09

Dinner Conversation:

Kurt: "Todd, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Todd: "A veterinarian."

Natalie: "I want to be a doctor."

Emily: "I'm going to be a teacher."

Alex: "And I'm gonna be a FLYING RAT!

11/23/09

Alex, struggling to get away from me: "Let me go, OLD LADY!"

11/16/09

Me: "Alex, what are you doing with my phone?"

Alex: "Texting Albertson."

Me: "Really? What does he have to say?"

Alex: "He says he can't come play because his sister has the swine flu."

10/22/09

Kurt, after swatting the bum of a very naughty and deliberately disobedient Alex...

Kurt: "Alex, do NOT do that anymore! If you do, you'll get another swat on the bum and then you'll cry."

Alex: "I didn't cry...my bum cried."

10/05/09

Alex: "Dad, are we going crazy yet?"

Kurt: "Yeah."

Alex: "Do I need to put my shoes on?"

9/27/09

Me, taping a game card that Alex had nearly ripped to shreds...

Emily: "Mom, what are you doing?"

Me: "I'm fixing Alex's card."

Emily: "You mean his victim?"

9/25/09

Emily, singing: "All I want for Christmas is two contacts, two contacts, two contacts."

9/24/09

Todd, while lagging behind Kurt on the way to the soccer field: "Hey, Coach! Wait up!"

9/19/09

At dinner...

Kurt (being a trouble maker): "We eat chickens, pigs and cows, why don't we eat horses?"

Natalie: "Because horses are harmless!"

Emily: "Cows are harmless too!"

Natalie: "COWS ARE NOT HARMLESS! COWS KICK OUR POPPA!"

9/19/09

Todd, while telling me the story of The Three Little Pigs: "And the first little pig built his house out of weed."

8/25/09

Alex, to me, as I walked out of my room dressed in my ratty lawn mowing clothes: "Mom! You're cute!"

8/17/09

Me, while changing Alex's rather potent diaper: "Whew, Alex, YOU STINK!"

Alex: "I apologize."

8/13/09

Todd: "Hey, now I know why we have birthday parties with our friends and family."

Me: "Really? Why?"

Todd: "So they can celebrate with us and we won't be nervous to turn older."

7/23/09

Todd: "I'm kind of nervous to turn five."

Me: "Why?"

Todd: "I don't think I'll recognize myself."

7/21/09

Todd: "Mom...have you ever kissed Dad at work?"

Me: "Um...yeah."

Todd, giggling: "Are you serious?

7/20/09

Me (thinking about pouring cereal): "What should we have for breakfast?"

Alex: "Eggs and hash browns...that will taste yummy!"

7/11/09

Me, singing while driving in the rain: "Rain, rain, go away..."

Emily, interrupting: "AND NEVER COME BACK!"

6/17/09

Todd: "Jesus is tougher than Superman, huh Dad?"

Kurt: "Yeah, I guess He is, buddy."

Todd: "Yeah, 'cause Jesus made Superman."

5/29/09

Todd:"Mom, why don't we get the newspaper?"

Me:"Um, because Daddy and I usually read the news online."

Todd:"Well, can we get the newspaper?"

Me:"Why do you need the newspaper?"

Todd:"Because I like to read the newspaper while I eat my breakfast."

5/28/09

Alex, pointing to the picture of Christ on the wall:"Mom! That's Jesus!"

Me:"Yes, it is."

Alex:"Oh! Did you buy Him at the church?"

5/22/09

(Possible TMI Alert--But this is the life of a Mom)

Me, to Todd while helping him in the bathroom: "Bud, when are you going to learn to wipe your own bum?"

Todd:"Ummmm....maybe when I'm 18."

Great. Only 13 years to go!

5/17/09

Todd, while inspecting a giant anthill:"Mom, do ants watch TV?"

Me:"Uh, no."

Todd:"Do ants talk?"

Me: "Nope."

Todd:"Oh. Well, if they did, I would talk to them and tell them about TV."

5/11/09

Alex, pointing to the kindergarten playground at the girls' school:"LOOK! DISNEYLAND!"

4/30/09

Todd, while looking into the pantry:"Oh! I didn't know Rice Krispies were available!"

4/30/09

Todd:"It's okay to cry, huh Mom?

Me:"Yeah, it is."

Todd:"And it makes us feel better because all the sadness drips out and then we are happy."

4/27/09

Alex:"Mom! The BAD MONSTERS are in the laundry room

Me:"Really? What are they doing in there?

Alex:"Getting dressed for church."

4/17/09

My Grandpa recently had heart surgery and a hip replacement. He is recovering at the Sunshine Terrace and will hopefully be able to go home in a few weeks.

The following is a classic example of marital miscommunication...

Me: Hey Kurt, get this...Grandma thinks the Terrace is sedating Grandpa because they don't want to deal with him.

Kurt: What?

Me: You know, sedating him.

Kurt: Huh? Who?

Me: THE TERRACE!

Kurt: THE TERRORISTS?

Me: No! The Terrace...as in the Sunshine Terrace.

Kurt: Wow. I know your Grandma is getting a bit 'funny' in her old age, but that seemed flat out crazy.

Hopefully there are no terrorists at the Terrace! :o)

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The Terrorists Are Sedating My Grandpa

>> Wednesday, October 15, 2008

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